Thursday, January 30, 2014

Just Watch Me

My struggle for accountability, to borrow Adrienne Rich's phrase, has led me to post two musings in a matter of minutes, after having been silent for so very long.

Of course, I'm diluting Rich's intent here egregiously, but bear with me.

I've re-read my posts here (I think I'm the only one who looks at them, so I may as well read them more than once). And, post after post, I'm writing about my goals, my deadlines, my determination.

Initially, I was so discouraged upon tonight's re-readings. Who am I kidding? I've been saying I'll meet deadlines for years, deadlines I haven't even come close to meeting.

And then I thought to myself, huh. I may not have met those deadlines, but I've done a LOT of work. I've come close to finishing two whole books in these two years, plus another co-authored one that I haven't even mentioned here. Plus drafts of a few articles. Plus some poems. I *have* accomplished some things. I *will* finish these books, and articles, and more poems.

In a nutshell: so what if I'll end up submitting my book 9 months after I thought I would? What's 9 months in the whole of a lifetime? Even if it's a year late, what's 12 months? Nothing. Nada.

Hey, I may not have met my goals yet, but I'm not just blowing sunshine up my own arse when I say that I WILL. It will happen. Just watch me. (Yup, borrowed that line from Claire Messud. Love that book.)