Thursday, January 30, 2014

Just Watch Me

My struggle for accountability, to borrow Adrienne Rich's phrase, has led me to post two musings in a matter of minutes, after having been silent for so very long.

Of course, I'm diluting Rich's intent here egregiously, but bear with me.

I've re-read my posts here (I think I'm the only one who looks at them, so I may as well read them more than once). And, post after post, I'm writing about my goals, my deadlines, my determination.

Initially, I was so discouraged upon tonight's re-readings. Who am I kidding? I've been saying I'll meet deadlines for years, deadlines I haven't even come close to meeting.

And then I thought to myself, huh. I may not have met those deadlines, but I've done a LOT of work. I've come close to finishing two whole books in these two years, plus another co-authored one that I haven't even mentioned here. Plus drafts of a few articles. Plus some poems. I *have* accomplished some things. I *will* finish these books, and articles, and more poems.

In a nutshell: so what if I'll end up submitting my book 9 months after I thought I would? What's 9 months in the whole of a lifetime? Even if it's a year late, what's 12 months? Nothing. Nada.

Hey, I may not have met my goals yet, but I'm not just blowing sunshine up my own arse when I say that I WILL. It will happen. Just watch me. (Yup, borrowed that line from Claire Messud. Love that book.)

Midnight Musings

Back again, once more searching for accountability.

By March 2nd/9th (depending on group members' schedules): I will submit my entire novel manuscript to my writing group and writing partners for review.

By March 23rd: I will submit my entire academic manuscript to my writing group and writing partners for review.

Every day between now and these two deadlines: I will get off my damn ass (if I'm using my stand-up desk!) or get onto it (if I'm coffee-shopping, coffee-porching, or sitting on my couch) and WRITE. If that means researching, I'm going to be doing it. If that means revising, I'm going to be doing it. If that means creating prose from scratch, I'm going to be doing it. If that means I'm up, as I am now, at 1 a.m. before a 7 a.m. class, so be it.

Enough is enough. I'm sick of myself not finishing these projects. I'm sick of the damn projects.

Wait, that's not true. I'm still in love with the projects.

Score one for me! Maybe this really IS possible.